Quotes

""In the middle of a presidential campaign and countless federal indictments, he’s obsessed with the Academy Awards from five weeks ago. I look forward to his new campaign slogan: ‘Trump 2024: They Gave It to ‘Green Book’?”"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“Yesterday, Trump fell asleep during the proceedings — he took a little white power nap. But today he was sharp, focused and he fell asleep again.” "
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- Stephen Colbert
" “O.J. Simpson died this week at the age of 76 after a battle with prostate cancer that was planted on him by the L.A.P.D.”"
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- SNL's Michael Che
"You know what they say: If at first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth or tenth you don't succeed, cry, cry again."
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- Jimmy Kimmel
"Well, forget the old saying 'April showers bring May flowers,' because from now on it's 'April trials bring me smiles.'"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“It was quite a sight, and if you’re excited about the eclipse and the sky turning totally black, wait ’til you hear about nighttime.”"
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- Jimmy Kimmel
""At a campaign rally, former President Trump said he would debate President Biden any time, any place. And then he pointed to an empty podium on the stage. And now Trump and Biden are both polling 80 points behind the podium.""
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- SNL's Colin Jost
"“It’s really exciting because we haven’t had total darkness outside since November through March.”"
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- Jimmy Fallon, on the solar eclipse
"“We have just learned that the White House has directed NASA to create a time standard for the moon. Though, obviously, they’re going to need two: Moon Standard and Moonlight Savings Time.”"
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- Stephen Colbert
"“Donald Trump thinks a gag order is what Melania does when she sees him get out of the hot tub.” "
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- Jimmy Kimmel
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